On a scale of 1 to 10 how hungry do you think I am right now? Take one guess and I bet you anything you'll get it wrong. (I just laughed because I meant to type "anything" but on my first try I typed "andything" lol I bet you andything that you'll get it wrong. Andything isn't even a word, like haha that andything. Get it? Me either). Coocoocachoo I am the walrus and you don't even know about it yet because you just live in your bed that is also a tent, I saw it in Skymall okay it exists it's a thing, it's a small tent that you put around your bed so you can zip yourself up into it and like shut out your weird creepy roommate when you live in a dorm or maybe you're 5 and you share a room with your sibling because your parents can't afford to have a giant mansion with all these fucking bedrooms WHAT DO YOU THINK MONEY GROWS ON TREES???? and so you close your little tent flap and get in there all like safe and cozy and you also brought your flashlight for activities like telling your stuffed animals ghost stories and you like line them all up and make them have a parade around your bed like wooaaahh look at us we are parading! And then you remember how when you go to school you never really fit in because your imagination is like waaaaay out there and when all the other girls are like, hey Jenna want to play house? And you respond with, lets play kitties except we're space kitties that have wings and we eat bananas and we have to go to the bathroom all the time but we do it on the swings but we're also like super smart and can make bikes move all by themselves and wear hats that tell us what time it is!! And the other girls are like, we're not going to play with you because you're too weird. So then you sit under the jungle gym in the wood chips by yourself and think about how Peter was picking his nose earlier and it was gross but on the plus side there are pizza nuggets for lunch today and boy I'm really looking forward to that, maybe some chocolate milk, or maybe I'll get a grilled cheese I don't even know I'm just very excited. Then you realize how horribly alone you are, so then the bell rings and Mrs. Walker is like, everyone come inside recess is over, so you go because you're like so good at following rules and are very shy and scared of authority and a good kid and go through the rest of your day not really talking to anyone but you get to sit with your friend Brittany at lunch but you're pretty sure she's only friends with you because she likes your shoes a lot because they're sambas, so then the day is over and you go to get on your but oh my god I almost go on the wrong bus what a careless mistake it's Tuesday not Thursday you have piano later and not gymnastics haha how silly of me to forget, so you ride the bus all the way to your house and you sit there alone and look out the window and think about the trees and stuff and you're like the last stop and your bus driver is so nice his name is Pedro and he has long hair that looks pretty dirty but whatever he smiles and makes jokes and when it's that time when you have to go over the safety procedures he always makes it as fun as possible and you appreciate that, he also likes to call you Juana which you think is funny because it's Spanish and nobody else calls you that, he's also supposed to drop you off like way at the end of the corner but since you're the last stop and he likes you because you're always really quiet and good he sometimes just drops you off right at your house which is so thoughtful of him, sometimes he wears really exciting pants and has a leather jacket which you think is cool. Then you get home and you're like, ehh I'm kind of hungry lets see what's in the refrigerator, and on your way there you see a note with a sticker on it from your mom that's like, hey sweetie I hope you had a great day at school please empty the dishwasher you little fucker, I love you! See you later. And you get like warm tingly feelings because you love your mom so much but fuck I really don't want to empty the dishwasher so you put it off for later because you're like, I have around 2 and half hours until she gets home so I can watch some TRL and eat a snack and I'll do it later. So you go into the freezer and hey oh my god bagel bites I thought Devin ate them all, but they were like sort of squished in the back so you were all excited that you found them so you make them and go sit on the floor in front of the tv and eat them and watch N*SYNC and oh my god you have the biggest crush on them because they're so hot and sing and dance and topics of their songs include love and they say things like, giiiiirrrrl, and that really gets you going but that one with the curly frosted hair is your favorite because he is the hottest one and sings all the main parts in the songs so you like him the most. His name is Justin Timberlake and you wish really bad he would just be your boyfriend already, he would totally like you so much and you could go to Twelve Corners and get pizza together at Great Northern Pizza Kitchen and get that one that's got like potato and cheese and sour cream and bacon on it that's your favorite, surely it would be his too, and then since he's older he could drive you to band practice in his car so this would work out great. Then all of a sudden its like 5:15 HOW DID THE TIME GO BY THAT FAST?? and you hear your mom coming in the door and you're so excited to see her because you love your mommy so much but FUUUUCKKK I DIDNT EMPTY THE DISHWASHER so you go over there and start unloading them and she's all like, ugh Jenna I asked you to do one thing, and you're all like I'm sorry mom I'm doing it nowww!! ahhhhh I don't like getting in trouble and you feel all weiiiirrrdd!! noooooo. But then she's like it's okay, I'm going to make tacos for dinner how does that sound and you're like yayyy I love tacos and you help her like cut up the vegetables and stuff and she cooks the meat and you have a nice time talking about your days together and then you sit down for dinner and you pour yourself a glass of orange juice even though its dinner time because it's just so delicious and you cannot get enough of it. Then you watch some tv together and laugh and then she has to go and ruin it and be like, did you do your homework, and you're like MOM ILL DO IT LATER I DONT WANT TO WE ARE HAVING SUCH AN ENJOYABLE TIME TOGETHER I hate school and my teachers aren't fair with all this work what the fuck I'm learning why do I have to learn so much my brain is tired and Full House is on come on. So then she trusts you and is like okay do it when you want, but then later you're really sorry you didn't do it earlier because it takes longer than you anticipated and is really boring and miserable so you sort of half ass it. Then you get ready for bed and brush your teeth and stuff and are like, goodnight mom love you, and she's like I love you too and you get into your bed that has sheets with fish on them because you like their fun colors and you get all snuggly with your stuffed animals and zip yourself up into that tent thing that you wish you had but don't. Pandas.
Sta.sh
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